March 19th & "Letting Go" Revisited

(Weston's stone is at the cemetery,not in his spot yet, hopefully this weekend)

March 19th....the day we thought we would be having our third child. The calendar hit March and there has been a constant lump in the throat. Over the past few months we have seen firsthand that the Lord truly does bear our burdens. We have seen Him carry us, comfort us, sustain us, encourage us and love us. We are sad, oh so sad, that we will not be watching our little guy grow on this earth. We miss him terribly and still question "why" so often. Why did we get pregnant in the first place? Why did it not happen earlier in the pregnancy? Why did we have to endure the gutwrenching heartache of delivering a stillborn, perfect baby? Just to be completely transparent...these are the questions that we ask. Over and over the Lord's response is.... I am FOR you. I love you. Rest in Me. I hurt when you hurt. Weston is mine. My idea. My creation. My child. There is so much peace in us, because of those answers. So much peace in knowing that Heaven and the Creator is ALL Weston will ever know. Over and over He has used His hands and feet to love on us. Thank you so much to all of you that haven't forgotten. So, as March 19th approaches we continue to grieve, but we grieve with peace and hope. Our hearts just long for Heaven.

Ironically, I wrote a blog post this past July titled "Letting Go." I think I was barely pregnant when I wrote that post. I love how the Lord was already preparing my heart. Preparing my heart for "letting go" in a way I never could have imagined. Preparing my heart for letting go of our son. Letting go of our dreams, plans and hopes for our third child. Letting go of the idea that Brady would have another little boy to get into trouble with. Letting go of watching our "little mother" Macy getting to be a huge help with a baby. He continues to ask me to let go. Not just of my kids, but of my life. It is His. Everything is His. He is in control, I am not....and I'm SO thankful I don't have to be. As we go through this season, my prayer is that my hands would be daily lifted. Lifted to Him, releasing control and my desires and plans.

I stole this little poem off of another blog of a sweet mama that lost her baby.

O, GOD, Who lifts the grieving head,
Blow away the ashes
But let Your gentle hand upon my brow
Be my only crown of beauty.
Comfort me so deeply,
My Healer,
That I seek no other comfort.

Time Helps

It's been 5 weeks since we said good-bye to Weston. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday and somedays it feels so far away. We have learned a lot through this process. Still learning. I think the main thing we have learned is that we are not here on this earth for us....for our plans, our dreams, our happiness. We are here for one reason and one reason only...to bring glory to our Creator. As difficult as it is at times to accept that His plans look different than ours, I know that his ultimate plan is to bring glory to Himself. As much as we wish we could have kept Weston here with us, we trust that the Lord is bringing glory to Himself through Weston's death.

We have really spent time thinking about all that we have to be thankful for this year more than ever. There is so much. We are so thankful that we have two precious children that are in front of us everyday. They have been such little lights through this darkness. They need their Mommy & Daddy. We have tried to be very honest with them through all of this. They have asked some TOUGH questions. One of the sweetest moments yet is we took them to "Weston's spot" on Thanksgiving morning for the first time. It was such a sweet time of us being able to once again explain where Weston is and all that we have to look forward to.

My dear friend and amazing photographer, Gretchen Davis, recently took family pictures for us. We had these scheduled right before we found out about Weston's passing and had to cancel because there was bad weather. I'm so thankful that we didn't take them then. It would have just been so hard. I debated on whether to reschedule after Weston died. It just felt like our family wasn't complete and I wasn't sure I wanted to capture that....yet. But we did reschedule and I am so thankful. Gretchen did an unbelievable job capturing us just as we are. My favorite shot is the one I used as my header on the blog. Brady is playing with my necklace...which he does often...it's my charm necklace that has a charm for Brady, Macy, and then a neat charm that says "in memory of our sweet boy" with a little W charm on it. This shot makes me feel like we are all there!

Check out her blog to see some of them...
www.gretchendavisphotographyblog.com/Temporary/

A dear friend of mine that lost her sweet baby girl, Mamie, at 37 weeks and who I have assisted at weddings for 5 years wrote this sweet blog post on her blog. She is also a photographer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I'm sure she could never imagine doing this for someone she knew well. She captured precious images that we will cherish forever on the day that we met and said good-bye to our sweet Weston. Thank you, Sarah.

http://www.adamsfamilylr.blogspot.com/

Hope

There are times in our lives that in one single second everything can change. That second happened for our family last Tuesday morning, October 26th. We went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out the gender of our baby. The ultrasound tech started moving the wand across my stomach and in a matter of seconds I knew. I said outloud, "There is no heartbeat..." That is the second that changed everything. To make a very long story short, because I was so far along I had to go into the hospital, be induced, and deliver our stillborn child. So, on Thursday morning, October 28th we met and said good-bye to our third child, our sweet baby boy, Weston George Penick. He stole our hearts and we will NEVER be the same. He was fearfully & wonderfully made with precious features, tiny hands and feet that were so perfect. It has been such a whirlwind, but one thing we know for sure, we serve a LOVING, SOVEREIGN God. He is good and His plans can be trusted, even when it makes NO sense to us this side of Heaven. Throughout this gut-wrenching process, He has sustained, provided, & held us. We are so grateful. We have seen His people be His hands and feet and we have felt so carried in prayer, we are so humbled. Thank you is not enough. We had a precious service for Weston for our families on Friday. It was absolutely perfect. We grieved, but celebrated. Celebrated that our precious Weston is with His Creator and that we will see him again! We have a hope that will get us through each day of missing him. Heaven seems that much sweeter knowing he is there.
The verse we had on his little program at the service was Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us."
We have a hope that we trust will not disappoint...

It's Been TOO long...

I'm really not sure that I can still call myself a blogger! I FINALLY fixed my background! As much as I LOVE reading other people's blogs (which I never have time to do) I cannot seem to find the time to put anything on my own blog!! I have so many pictures to share, but no time to upload!! Not even sure if I've talked about baby #3 on here! So terrible. We find out Tuesday who this little person is! Couldn't be more excited and anxious. Praying for a healthy baby. Until next time.... :)

Letting Go

The Lord has been teaching me a little lately about "letting go." I know my children are just 4 & 2, but I've come to the realization that being a parent is about a lifetime of "letting go." It will be little things like letting go when my little princess walks into VBS (1st day today) into a church she has never stepped foot in, among a sea of people she has never met, and I just leave her for 3 hours and they barely know her name, to letting go of my sweet boy's beautiful blonde hair (his daddy decided he needed a summer cut), to way bigger things in life. Right now the things are on a small scale, but as they get older, I know they will become more and more difficult. Letting our children, "go" is one of the best things we can do for them as parents. It first of all teaches them that we have faith in someone way bigger than ourselves, or them, that is protecting them and has a plan for them. It also encourages them to be independent and know that they are capable. I want to do this well. Please Lord, help me to allow my children freedom to experience the great things you have in store for them...and not hinder them! Help me to "let go."

HAIR BEFORE



HAIR AFTER

Easter

We are so blessed to have so much family in town. Easter was extra special this year for us, because our little Macy really started to grasp the true meaning of Easter. I love the innocence of a child's understanding. She asked a lot of questions and we did our best to provide the answers on a 4 year old level. We pray the Lord has planted some seeds in her little heart.
We did several egg hunts and got to spend time with a lot of cousins!
Our babies are just getting so big!! They are so fun!
Sweet babies

Brady & his big cousin Dylan(who had a run in with a dresser) :)

Macy & "Morgie"..cousins/bff


Cousins on my side


Some of the cousins on the Penick side